AZ

Mac & Cam -
This week I am traveling for work, the longest trip away since Cameron was born. Today was actually a low key, nice day. I had an early morning wake-up call but other than that I have been working from the hotel and even tooka long walk which in addition to reminding me how awful the New England weather really is made me miss you girls even more.

I saw so many kids on my walk today and each of them made me think about you - the stages we have already passed, the stages we are in now, the stages that are about to come. In addition to the people there were also some adorable kid shops with so many things that I almost bought but I think $45 for a child's T-shirt is crazy even when you are feeling homesick for your girls!

You are both on my mind always - and frankly it leaves me conflicted on a daily basis. I hope one day you tell me in words or action that you are proud of my choices including my choice to work (it seems strange to admit that I need you to be proud of me in much the same way that you will crave that same response from me) but it's hard to know now if you will really feel that way. I want you to know through my actions that you can do anything and that having independence including a sense of pride in your work (whatever the job) but also a feeling of financial independence is critical for everyone and especially women.

I know you (Mackenzie) ask for me when I am gone and we talk on the phone but does she worry for a second that I won't come back? I hope not but I cannot be sure - as she still asks for GiGi (who passed away in December) about once a week. Every time she asks it is sad and we talk about the fact that GiGi is in heaven and we will not see her for a long time. I also add that it is ok to miss her and to talk about her (which I know is over your head - and my head too) but I want to find the best words not only for today but words that I can use for days and months and years to come. But perhaps even more sad that her asking for GiGi is knowing that one day she will stop asking and never ask again.

OK Back to reality...Tonight on the phone you asked "Mommy, you coming?". I replied that I was in AZ and asked if she remembered it from the map (which I know she didn't) as I was trying to create a diversion for both of us. Then I did my usual "Mackenzie can you give Cameron a kiss from Mommy" and "Cameron can you give Mackenzie a kiss from Mommy". Guess those kisses from each other will need to last for a few more days but I cannot remember craving a weekend more than this weekend!

XO
Mom